‘I feel very alone sometimes, I pay for both of our living expenses’: 58-year-old divorced dad demands the same financial support from his daughter that she gives her mom, despite barely contributing to her upbringing or education

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Jul 21, 2026 2:00 PM EDT

Money doesn't automatically split evenly between parents just because biology did, and this dad seems to have missed that memo entirely

The math he's running only works if you erase the last two decades. He saw his kid once a month, paid for exactly one meal a month, and contributed nothing to a university education her mom fully covered. Support isn't a shared custody arrangement that automatically entitles both parents to equal payouts once the kid starts earning. It's built on actual presence, actual sacrifice, actual involvement, and one parent clearly did the heavy lifting while the other did the bare minimum and is now filing a retroactive invoice.

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  • Composite thumbnail of a stressed woman holding her head beside bold text about someone causing stress.
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Woman in glasses holds her head beside bold black text reading, "He is causing so much stress."

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My parents are divorced since I was 9 years old. I live with my mom. See my dad once a month or so.
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  • My mom is not working since she was 55, since I got a job she no longer has to work I pay for both of our living expenses and she takes care of all the house work.
    via Icy-Rip-4445
  • Woman in a yellow top presses her temples by a window, looking worried in soft indoor light.
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    Woman pressing her fingers to her temples by a window, looking weighed down by family pressure

    Image shown for illustrative purposes; person depicted is a model.

  • My dad has been bothering me in last couple months that I'm bias towards my mom and I should also be helping him financially.
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  • He claims that she "planned" this arrangement when she fought for child custody way back when they divorced.
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  • My dad is working part time and financially struggling. He has little to no retirement security.
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  • My mom has security and Im still helping her grow her money with investments. My dad is a cash hoarder and doesn't trust banks.
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  • He refuses to let me handle his funds. He's been swearing up and down that she has it all set up and is leeching off me while he gets nothing.
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  • He demanded that he got something also. I don't feel Im obligated to give him anything...
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  • He barely raised me and my mom covered my full university tuition, he did not spend a penny other than taking me out for a meal once a month.
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  • I already gift him cash gifts every new years, fathers day, and his birthday. This year for his birthday I gave him a tea set as a present instead of money like I usually do and I suspect that's what started it.
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  • I don't want to worsen my relationship with him as we are an immigrant family and I really don't have ANY other family here in North America.
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  • The "she planned this" theory is doing a lot of work to avoid a simpler explanation: he didn't build financial security for himself, and rather than sit with that, he's decided someone else's daughter owes him a retirement plan. Refusing to let anyone touch his money because he doesn't trust banks, while simultaneously demanding a house be bought for him in cash, isn't a retirement strategy, it's a contradiction dressed up as a grievance.

  • Tbh I feel very alone sometimes and don't want drill my family ties down to one person.
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  • But he is causing so much stress with his bitter comments. I don't know what to do, I think what he's asking me to do is unreasonable, he even proposed I buy him a house in our home country for his retirement.
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  • Swapping a cash gift for a tea set seems like an oddly specific trigger for a guilt campaign this large, which says more about how transactional he's decided the relationship is than anything about the gift itself. Continuing holiday and birthday gifts already covers reasonable goodwill. Nobody owes equal financial output to two parents who put in wildly unequal effort, and being an only family anchor doesn't mean absorbing someone else's unaddressed financial anxiety as a personal debt.

  • I make a decent living but I'm not rich... I see hm once a month usually but he always lectures me when I'm there that I dread going now.
    via Icy-Rip-4445

  • Guilt isn't the same thing as an actual obligation, even when the guilt-tripper happens to be family, and even when family feels scarce.

  • _goneawry_ You need to say no to your father. He is the one damaging the relationship with his unreasonable demands. He's just seeing how much he can get out of you, this is not about love.
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  • Tell him you pay your mom's living expenses because she cooks, cleans the house, and does your laundry. If he isn't interested in doing the same for you then there's nothing to talk about.
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  • chunkymajor Your father is a deadbeat leech. If you want to have peace, block him and move on. You owe this manipulative deadbeat nothing.
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  • maybeAturtle Boundaries are the key to a healthy relationship.
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  • Leemachino He should be able to handle himself. Seems like he owes your mom years of back child support. A real father wouldnt be demanding you take care of him.
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  • MckittenMan I feel sad for you. You didn't pick this life, but it was thrown at you. Divorced parents both leaning into you hard financially. Not your fault they divorced and can barely stay afloat now. This is just going to hold back your own life develioment.
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  • All this money you are dumping into your parents, could have been saved for your own future... They had a chance to build their own future, don't let the failed parents hold back your own future development.
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  • At least your mother paid for your full university tuition, I can understand paying back the favor within reason. That return to sender I can wrap a head around. But what has daddy boy done? Not a whole lot from the sounds of it.
    via Icy-Rip-4445
  • This is where you refuse to give into the guilt. Just say no to him, that's final. You have your own life to focus on. Eventually you will find a relationship of your own, not sure if you're in one now... But sending your parents all this money will likely cause problems in your own marriage, so might be something to watch out for.
    via Icy-Rip-4445

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divorced family drama mother favoritism dad divorce financial support Father
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